Dear G, You Are Loved

How are you, my friend, G. It is such lovely weather for the winter. It is the perfect day to walk around the lake with you and hear about your “abduction story.” Did you have any pain? I assume you do. Your emotional pain must show somewhere in your body. That is how our body and emotion speak to each other, and trauma could intensify one side. I have been emotionally better every day.

 I started getting physical therapy the past several weeks to treat my lower back and pelvic area pain. I do not recall whether I told you about my physical pain when I was at the hospital with you. Since I was transferred to the psychiatric unit, I started to have pain in my pelvic area. I had a hard time walking straight. I am sure that the shock from moving from a medical unit to a psychiatric unit was unbearable pain to me. I was supposed to go home the next day. My calendar has been filled with numerous medical appointments since I was discharged. I could not live without knowing “why.” I wonder how you were after you were discharged. You were discharged on the same day. You looked sad that day. I even did not have a chance to say goodbye to you.

  Regardless, I was at the physical therapy office this morning. One of the assistants who often help me with doing exercise complimented my skin this morning. “You have such beautiful skin!” That was what she said. “Really?” I said—what a pleasant surprise and compliment at the same time. I often had a hard time looking at my face because of growing age spots. You know, I have three children. Whenever I had my child, these age spots got worse. I do not like them, but it reminds me of my three precious children, who are always the primary hope source. I could live with these spots. I still feel gorgeous with these spots, and that is important. Of course, thanks to the advancement in the cosmetic industry that I could cover them if needed : )

  The assistant’s comment reminded me of you. After I walked out of the office, I missed you. We talked about our dry skin, didn’t we? The hospital was dry, and I tried my best to be hydrated. I saw your skin was dehydrated. I wondered who cared about skin when you were at the psychiatric hospital. I wanted to tell you how to take care of your skin, mostly when the environment was dry. I hardly found a time because you were too drowsy to carry a conversation with me. I even saw you forgot to take a moisturizer that I gave to you. Then, you were gone. Soon after, I was gone too. I wonder whether I am gone in your memory. My short-term memory has been deteriorating past couple of months. However, I remember you well. You are not gone in my memory. I wish I could tell you that.

    While I was thinking of you, I decided to send you this song; You Are Loved. I sang this song multiple times in my driving back to my office this morning. When I sing, especially in my car alone and loud, my singing is my prayer. Like I want to sing You Raise Me Up to Joe, I want to sing this song, You are Loved, to you if I can meet you in person.

     Dear my friend, G. I hope you find your love, whether it is from another man, another woman, another form of being, or materials. I hope you are not alone and feel lonely, especially during this holiday season. Please know that I have held you in my prayer and my heart. Please remember this one thing: I sincerely love you.

           In love,

           C.S. Taylor

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